Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Happy Holidays Vaginas!

Hanukkah pap smears are so much less sexy than Christmas ones... c'mon CBS.

Remembering the Decade

I am most scared of bloody mary, but then my mom told me that it is just a drink.

The decade according to 9-year-olds from allie garcia on Vimeo.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

And The Grammy Goes To...


Beyonce, “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)”
Kings Of Leon, “Use Somebody”
Lady Gaga, “Poker Face”
Maxwell, “Pretty Wings”
Taylor Swift, “You Belong With Me”

-- Maxwell still makes music?
-- My Winner: Lady Gaga

The Black Eyed Peas, “I Gotta Feeling”
Bon Jovi, “We Weren’t Born To Follow”
The Fray, “Never Say Never”
Daryl Hall & John Oates, “Sara Smile”
MGMT, “Kids”

-- Haha, hall and oates... ahahhahaha
-- My Winner: MGMT

AC/DC, Black Ice
Eric Clapton & Steve Winwood, Live At Madison Square Garden
Green Day, 21st Century Breakdown
Dave Matthews Band, Big Whiskey And The GrooGrux King
U2, No Line On The Horizon

-- um, King of Leon is not rock?
-- My Winner: Pop Music

Drake, “Best I Ever Had”
Eminem, “Beautiful”
Jay-Z, “D.O.A. (Death Of Auto-Tune)”
Kid Cudi, “Day N Nite”
Mos Def, “Casa Bay”

-- um, Lil Wayne gets no love?
-- My Winner: Drake (aka Wheelchair Jimmy) "Forever" ft. Kanye West, Lil Wayne & Eminem

Beyonce, “Halo”
The Black Eyed Peas, “I Gotta Feeling”
Kings Of Leon, “Use Somebody”
Lady Gaga, “Poker Face”
Taylor Swift, “You Belong With Me”

-- Best category of the the year.
-- My Winner: Everyone, all of these are legit.

Beyonce, I Am… Sasha Fierce
The Black Eyed Peas, The E.N.D.
Lady Gaga, The Fame
Dave Matthews Band, Big Whiskey And The GrooGrux King
Taylor Swift, Fearless

-- Beyonce's album title is lame. DMB made another record?
-- My Winner: Lady Gaga and her outfits.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I Live in the Internet

So I went to Vons today in this strip mall because I really wanted something from their lunch counter. And as I left I glanced over and saw the 24 Hour Fitness... and thought to myself "escalators to the fitness center... fail" (though I can think of a couple legit reasons to actually have them). Then it struck me... I had seen this before on the internet.

Here is my camera phone picture:

And here is the internet version:

Link to Original Post.

thank you San Diego, California, for making my dreams come true.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Gettin' Around the Gaslamp

I have officially gone out drinking enough times in San Diego to make this post worth it:

My Go To: Maloney's Tavern
It is like Cheer's and there are great quotes on the walls. They also show movie clips then transition into songs that are just a little terrible, i.e. Cliffhanger clip where the chick falls into the song Free Fallin' by Tom Petty.

Also Awesome: Bareback Grill
they have board games on each table and had live music the night I went. They also have this wheel of death thing - you pay $4 and get whatever drink(s) the wheel lands on. Everything from mini pitchers of beer to shots for the opposite sex. Great burgers too!

Chicks and Bros: FleetWood
This is defs a night club. Charged a cover (Scotty paid for me). They have a hip-hop room which has a DJ spinning old skool jams and the newest chart toppers - lots of dancing. It was fun but loud and crazy. Lots of bros and drunk as a skunk chicks. Not exactly my scene but it was nice to get out of my laid back box.

Sunday, August 9, 2009


So, I am trying to get back in shape. I got some sale work out clothes at target and I am going to start using them as more than loaf around the house clothes.

I purchased this DVD:

Apparently this chick is on the biggest loser and is like the toughest trainer on tv. I have never seen this show but this DVD was on sale and I was feeling motivated...

So the first 20 minute level one workout pretty much kicked my ass, but I am pretty excited to keep going on it. It is only 20 mins a day and it is quite dynamic - you are only doing things for like a minute or so at a time. The background music is pretty lame but Jillian has good commentary and always seems to say "keep going" right as I think "fuck this shit."

I'll try to keep you guys posted on my progress. Might even take this in to work and do it on my clarity breaks. Jillian's website suggested that I also do swimming and cycling... thinking of adding that in next week.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Celebrity Playlist

iTunes does these nifty little celebrity playlists where the rich and famous get to make a list of their favorite songs and say why and then you can buy the songs so you feel closer to them. I look at these occasionally and judge celebs on their musical taste/maturity... so in the spirit of open communication, here is what I would put (at least right now) on my celebrity playlist if I were rich/famous and iTunes loved me enough (in no particular order):

  • "Junior Kickstart" - The Go! Team - This makes me feel like I can do anything, ever.
  • "Hold On You" - Ponderosa: They have a classic sound that can melt into your soul. They've totally tangled their way into my heart.
  • "Don't Move" - Butch Walker: It is impossible to pick just one song by Butch as my favorite, but this one is particularly meaningful and I just love his music to death. Listen to all of it.
  • "Existentialism on Prom Night" - Straylight Run: More often than not I feel like I would "kill for this just a little bit"
  • "Tech Romance" - Her Space Holiday: Frequently the line "just another film that won't get made" is how my relationships go... and it is a beautiful void.
  • "Come Pick Me Up" - Ryan Adams: Boy has got soul and I love the sentiment of this song.
  • "Red Right Ankle" - The Decemberists: I'd love it if Colin Meloy would write and sing a biographical song about my life. The language would be elegant and the mood, dark yet happy.
  • "Badfish" - Sublime: I feel like this is my criteria for boys: Tell me, are you a badfish too?
  • "Simple Man" - Lynyrd Skynyrd: Southern boys singing all sorts of truth; you cannot go wrong if you follow this advice.
  • "All My Mistakes" - The Avett Brothers: I think I'd like this to play at my wedding or some romantic moment with a man that I love.
  • "Good Year for the Roses" - Elvis Costello: I had a hard time picking which Elvis Costello song to put on this list, but I really like this one because it is soft and delicate.
  • "Okay I believe you but my tommy gun don't" - Brand New: There is a reason my blog is named after this song. "We are never alone"
  • "A Favor House Atlantic" - Coheed & Cambria: I just love to blast this and sing and dance around. Probs not their intention, but whatev.
  • "Whatever You Like" - T.I.: I've said multiple times that I want to have a little recording of this in my pocket to play for people when they ask me questions: "you can have whatever you like"
  • "What Are They Doing In Heaven Today" - Washington Phillips: I have an old recording of this that I rediscovered thanks to the movie Elizabethtown and it just makes me happy.
  • "Tiny Vessels" - Death Cab for Cutie: This reminds me of Jordan and all the reasons why it didn't work and how it is better that way. Lost love, awww.

I can think of like 1000 other songs that I love and would want people to know that I love them. BUT since I can't go on forever and most people don't actually care I will stop here.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

I Hope You Do

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….
You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is aseffective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…

At the Box

Finding that shaded region is what I try to do everyday at work

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Wanna Take That Ride With Me?

So I saw Public Enemies the other day and it was fantastic. I am not sure I understand why they are making John Dillinger a hero or if they do a good enough job with the other half of the story of his life and life of crime, but man, is Johnny Depp ever attractive. I guess it is the same old story of glamorizing violence and blah blah blah, but I was just blinded by his charm, wit, intelligence and dashing good looks. I would totally have dated a depression era public enemy.

My favorite reference to John Dillinger ever (though not entirely historically accurate):
High Fidelity
Rob: John Dillinger was killed behind that theater in a hale of FBI gunfire. And do you know who tipped them off? His fucking girlfriend. All he wanted to do was go to the movies.

Go Fatty Early

Practical real world advice from The University of Andy

(via the author of Upper Harmonics)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Enjoy, Patriots!

Oh My God Bless America

So you know how they often ask famous people which actor or actress would play them in a bio-picture. I think I can say with complete confidence that if sex did not matter (like with Cate Blanchett as Dylan in I'm Not There) I would chose Mandy Patinkin to play me. The reasons are as follows: a. INIGO MONTOYA b. Criminal Minds c. Dead Like Me d. his voice e. swagga f. totally looks like me, obvs.

Happy 4th of July! Go America!

And finally, here is some weird shit and more reasons to hate pregnancy: WTF!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Bing Theater

So Microsoft has a new search engine called Bing (because MSN search sucked so royally).

And their ad campaign is kind of catchy but really it describes what I believe to be a wikipedia phenomenon not a "search" phenomenon.

With wikipedia you just keep clicking and clicking until you are looking at Judd Apatow's wikipedia page and wondering why he dropped out of USC when you originally were looking up Danish food. When you are searching for something with a search engine you are far more selective about what you click on - if you are searching with purpose (i.e. I need a recipe for X instead of wikipedia-ing Danish foods for fun). Am I wrong?

Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young" by Mary Schmich

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Your Disco Stick

One of my favorite shows (Chuck) + One of my favorite ridiculous people (Lady GaGa) = Y.E.S.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

So Rad Dude

So, I've been watching this web series called Dorm Life and one of the running jokes is S.R.D. or So Rad Dude. I am filling out an application and came across the following 2 things and couldn't help but think that the application is SRD!


"Fill this whole thing out, try to print legibly, and don't even think of writing 'See resume' because that will not fly"

"Go ahead and brag about additional education, training, certifications, patents, licenses, thesis projects, awards, publications or activities you consider significant. (Attach a separate sheet if you're really that much of a big shot)."

Look look, we are a hip media company so our application isn't as dry as those other companies - SO RAD DUDE!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Pretend She Isn't There

Here are some hot photographs of Reggie Bush and his girlfriend... I pretend she isn't there and just drool over how attractive Reggie is.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Tiny Bubbles

Here is more proof that if you could be any animal you should be a dolphin.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Revenge of the Nerds

So I found this on FailBlog and I just couldn't resist sharing:

You can see the original post here.

Epic win.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Totally Looks Like

So when I first saw this ad (below) for the new Dane Cook tour I thought, "why is Tom Brady on the poster?" I am not sure what this means for either of them... but I am quite confident that it is not good.

Tom Brady (for reference):

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Elbows Up, Side to Side in the Bath!

So there was an incident near my home (and by that I mean the shootout happened on my street [though admittedly I was enjoying a game of hockey in Orange County]).

Here is the follow-up Trojan Alert that was sent out once the incident cleared:
"The LAPD/DPS search of the North University Park area for three outstanding suspects was cleared at approximately midnight on March 11, 2009. Menlo is still not open to vehicle traffic, but students and residents are able to return to the area.

LAPD Detectives are still investigating this case, but we now know that four suspects were involved in a shooting with LAPD officers at Budlong and Adams March 11, 2009. The suspects then fled in a vehicle before crashing in the 2600 block of Menlo after striking a USC tram. No one on the tram was injured. Three suspects fled on foot and were apprehended through the efforts of LAPD, DPS and persons who called with information.

Any additional information released about this incident will come from LAPD through the local media or a media release. Thank you for cooperating with this investigation and contact LAPD if you have any information that may be helpful."

This description (lifted from the first Trojan Alert) "one suspect is described as male Hispanic, shaved head, white t shirt, dark pants and stud earrings in both ears," prompted me to google image search cholo. Because, well, why not make assumption and group people and be racist etc. (white girl at a hockey game in orange county when the shots were fired, after all).

This was my most exciting result:

I found this exciting because:
a. heteronormativity, hazing, and defining sexuality.
b. did they really put a hazing ritual on the interwebz? Don't get caught, guys. (I am assuming this to be hazing, yes)
c. the guy in front has a clown faced woman tattoo... I think they are creepster. the end.
d. men, masculinity and gangs. <3s.
e. this was the 2nd result when I google image searched. why? what does it say about our society's browsing behavior and prevailing opinion.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Cocain Peppers

I wonder who didn't report the cocaine in their peppers? (ARTICLE)

Also, I still cannot find a job. I am very discouraged. I have started to apply to things that are not on the career path I really want to be on.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Pink Dolphins in Lakes

I think you should read this: ARTICLE

They probably could have come up with a more interesting name than Pink.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Keenan Cahill: Making The Internetz Awesome

Last Friday I sent this video to a few people but I now realize that I should try to spread it around the internet as much as possible.

Some other golden examples:

And of course:

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Error - Does Not Compute

This has syntax errors... doesn't it?

This one makes more sense, so far as not having coding errors...

Friday, February 20, 2009

Monday, February 16, 2009

How Is Her Being Transgender Relevant?

Exercised to Death!
Here is a bizarre story that I just saw a preview for on CBS 2: CLICKY

This story is strange, but as the title says - what does her gender have to do with anything? Sensationalism.

Besides, they are really missing the biggest question: Why Oliva Newton John?

Peta Is Gonna Be Pissed

Travis, an infamous chimp from Connecticut, was shot and killed after a brutal attack of a woman who was visiting his owner.

Check out the story here.

The Final Straw

The fifth and final part of my Cocktail Hour series has arrived!
I will be focusing on flavor, flair and more.

There are lots of mixers out there and I am sure you know the usual suspects (like Cola, Fruit Juices and Tonics etc). But there is an emerging market of cocktail mixers which take out the guess work and are quite nifty. There are a variety of flavors like watermelon, passion fruit, grapefruit and apple. You can use them for martinis, margaritas and a variety of other drinks. Don't let the bottle dictate use. Experiment!

Here is an example:

Stirrings Pomegranate Cocktail Mix

Another flavor that is essential for many classy cocktails is simple syrup. It is way easy to make and you can keep it in a squirt bottle for easy use and storage.
2 1/2 cups sugar
Full 1 cup water
1/2 lemon, juiced
-Combine all 3 ingredients in a nonreactive 2-quart heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium-high heat and bring to a boil. All the sugar crystals should completely dissolve. Remove from the heat and pour into a clean medium-size bowl. Let cool completely before using. If you are short on time, you can cool the syrup over an ice bath. Simple syrup can be stored in the refrigerator, indefinitely, if kept in an airtight container. - (borrowed from foodnetwork.com)
This can be infused with other flavors as well if you want to get crazy.

Garnishes can really be the crowning touch on a really elegant cocktail. It is more than just drinking if you jazz things up with a fancy garnish.

Lemon twists, lime wheels, orange wedges, olives, cherries, apple slices, pineapple spikes, and rimmers.

Here are a couple useful videos for getting your garnish just right:

I encourage you to YouTubez tips on creating the perfect bar garnishes. There are about a billion and a half videos that are extremely useful. Thank you internets.

More on Rimmers
Margaritas, some martinis and many other cocktails call for the glass to be rimmed. This is when you wet the edge of the glass (with liquor, rind oils, fruit juice, water, whatever) and dip it into sugar, salt or whatever. It is an elegant look and is a step that should not be neglected.

You can buy your own rimmer set, like this one, which allows you to create your own flavored sugars, blend of salts, etc:

Or you can get premade blends of rimmers like this one from Stirrings:
Lemon Drop Drink Rimmer

And More
There are a zillion other things you can add to your cocktail to really punch up the wow factor. For me, the easiest way is cocktail straws. You can get ones that match the theme of you party or go with classic red or black.

And who can forget umbrellas?!? Super fun and the only way to complete a tropical drink!
Paper Drink Umbrellas

Happy Cocktail Hour!!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Move It!

So about one year ago I was searching for a clip of Pulp Fiction on the YouTubez and got a video of kinetic typography in the results. This moment changed my life. I am now obsessed with kinetic typography. I love it. I wish I could do it, but I just can't afford the software.

There are a lot more that are totally awesome so I encourage you to look it up on the interwebs. But, I must warn you that people spell things wrong, make typos, or errors in writing down what was actually said in the scene/song/speech/whatev - I find this SO annoying and unforgivable - you are working with words, spell check mofos.

Friday, February 13, 2009


And now for an ode to my new favorite ridiculous person: Lady GaGa

Missy Piggy Cuts The Fat

While browsing the interwebs I came across this People Magazine Online article that says Miss Piggy, of Muppets fame, has lost weight.

I would like her diet secrets.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Kingsford Goes to the Beach - Watch the top videos of the week here

No Cuddling, EVER!

So Kate and I were watching some TV (reruns of Burn Notice to be exact *new episode tonight*) and a ridiculous commercial came on for an online dating service.

- a dating site for singles who enjoy being single -

Things I Like About This Site:
1. the logo: puzzle pieces = fantastic.
2. the slogan: finding the pieces without the puzzle.
3. the ten commandments of of the booty call. HAHAHAHHA

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Glass Half Full

And now for part 4 of my Cocktail Hour series.

Now that you have some rules for entertaining, barware and booze - you need something to put it in.

You will need the following glasses:

Martini Glass


Highball Glass

Margarita Glass

Rocks Glass

Shot Glass

I really like simple glasses, as you can see with these examples. I like smooth clean lines and think they really let your cocktail shine.

And you should have a set of wine glasses.
You can go trendy and get these stemless ones:
Riedel 'O' Stemless Wine Glass

But I prefer these ones with stems - it seems like you can get better temperature control (if necessary for the wine you are drinking) if they have stems.
Riedel Vivant Collection

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Drinking Spirits Cannot Cause Spiritual Damage

My Spirits Checklist:

Svedka Vodka
Absolute Flavored Vodkas (whatever you like & will use)

Seagram's Extra Dry Gin
Seagram's Apple Gin


Bacardi Superior White Rum
Bacardi Razz Rum
Captain Morgan Spiced Rum (when necessary but I prefer light rum hands down)


Patron Silver Tequila
Cazadores Tequila Blanco
Cazadores Tequila Anejo

Irish Whiskey

Jameson Irish Whiskey


Johnnie Walker Scotch Red
Laphroaig Scotch (because Courtney said so)

American Whiskey
Jack Daniels Whiskey
Seagrams 7 Crown American Whiskey
-Southern Comfort Bourbon

Canadian Whiskey
Crown Royal Canadian Whiskey

Bailey's Irish Cream
Hiram Walker Triple Sec
Amaretto di Amore

I am sure this list is lacking but these are the ones I could think of that I like and use regularly.

Do Not Attempt

Monday, February 9, 2009

Interstitial Hilarity

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

motherfucking time vampire.

Cocktail Concierge

Bar Essentials

As promised, here is part two of my Cocktail Hour series of blog posts. I created a selection of bar essentials that I think are simple, elegant and necessary. I borrowed from the pamphlet list I mentioned in the last post and added in a few more things that I thought would be extra handy.

Check back for part three (spirits checklist), part four (glassware) and part five (flavor, flair and more).