Wednesday, April 30, 2008

To Vlog or Not To Vlog

So my new computer does some pretty fancy things and I now have the ability to record a video of myself talking to the computer. I am considering trying out vlogging but I really can't think of what I would talk about...

Should I do this?

Maybe I will just give a synopsis of why I think virtual worlds are not the future...

In other news:
my Tuesday presentation went well. I think I did alright. I have one on Wednesday and Thursday still to go. I have a lot to say for Wednesday and I hope I will make it in under the time limit. I haven't finished Thursday's presentation but I think it will be okay. I am now most worried about that class. I think I may have spent too much time working on things in these other classes that do not count for as much of my grade as this project does for this class. oops.

crunch time, baby! (as Jordan would say)

also, I've been sleeping on the couch for the last 3 (?) days. I am not really sure why I started this trend nor why I have continued it. It has made me slightly more productive (unscientifically proven).
I can't find my USC ID card. It is really pissing me off.

Monday, April 28, 2008

No Breaks

All I have left to do for homework is to finish my Thursday Presentation and write that paper for the following week. I still need to practice my presentations for tomorrow and Wednesday, but I have lots of trouble doing such things. I will do it in front of the mirror a couple times tomorrow and hope for the best.

I was ticked off today because Joe asked me to clean up the mess that Jordan and I made making dinner on Sunday. And it wasn't that he asked me to clean (it is mine and Jordan's responsibility, we were neglecting it etc) but it was just that he only asked me. I know Jordan isn't around to ask, but he didn't say anything last night when we all were around or anything. It is as if Joe decided that because I was home and he thought I was doing nothing (untrue, I've been buried in homeworks) that I should do it. I am making serious mountain out of mole hills but Jordan gets too many free passes and I do a lot of fucking dishes. gah!

I have also decided that I am going to quit drinking for a while. The last couple times I've had anything to drink I come home and feel really, really depressed. It just isn't smart for me to consume a depressant when I am not in a good place mentally. Not for good, but just for the time being.

I am going to a concert tonight instead of continuing on my presentations. I am not worried. I have a lot of time to get things done over the next few days. I think spending the majority of the last 3+ days doing homework paid off.

Friday, April 25, 2008

As If To Say, Let's Do This! I'm A Cashew.

So I've decided that it helps my sanity to write down what I have/have not accomplished on all of this homework:

Intro Class: DUE TUESDAY
Original website pitch - 10-15 page document, 10min polished presentation for VCs

* 6/10-15 pages complete: I focused my idea to make it even more niche. I really like where the paper is going, I just don't want to write it. I want to have this at 10 pages by EOD.
* 1/? slides complete: ARGH!

Technical or Managerial Presentation: 10 mins

* 13/14 slides complete - Picked the technical side for the presentation. I need to add in a slide about client-server programming and then it is done. I am no longer worried about presenting well because Andrew doesn't seem to have been too hard on the people that went last week.

Original Research Paper: 15-20 page paper with original empirical data, 10ish minute presentation

* 0/15-20 pages actually completed: Survey is out in the world and doing well. I am going to have to cram really hard for this assignment. It is probably the most important and I started working on it the earliest but I have the smallest actual final turn in quality material completed.
* 0/? slides complete: Ah FUCK. My plan is to dedicate Sunday to this exclusively.

Continuous Assignments:

* Reflection Papers: one more required intro-class reflection. I really enjoy doing these but I also feel like I can focus on them... really too bad.
* Reading: done 'cept for reading for research, at this point.
* Quiz: Tech Class - one left. It isn't that important but I want to do better than my last two.
* Participation: this is now a matter of asking insightful questions of my fellow students during presentations.

I had quiznos for lunch today. They made my sandwich really poorly. As I navigated the difficult task of eating it I thought "I am so poorly constructed" which made me think of Dan and what a great person he is.

My new computer is awesome. I def. recommend going to the dark side. They have cookies.

I bit my lip really hard yesterday (eating ice cream of all things) and now have a fat lip. Pretty sore and pretty embarrassing circumstances for having it.

Jordan has about infinity job offers. I am happy that he is finding work (he was really worried earlier this year/past few years). I also think it is making him cocky and not focused on learning. I am supposed to have dinner with him tonight.

Monday, April 21, 2008

On My Way To Incompetent Island

So let's see: Patrick, my old computer, died. I got a new macbook. I don't feel like writing about that.

I have quite a bit of work I have yet to complete and really need to get working on it. Here is an update:

Original website pitch - 10-15 page document, 10min polished presentation for VCs
  • 3/10-15 pages complete: I am really not worried, I have a lot to say and hope to double my output by EOD
  • 1/? slides complete: I still have a lot to do on this. I am going to have to be very sharp and polished with this presentation. I am worried.
Technical or Managerial Presentation: 10 mins
  • 0/? slides complete - This project seems to be very made up. I am considering doing the Technical presentation because it seems easier. You basically pick an arbitrary made up point in development and say what you'd do to get the site live etc. I am slightly worried I will leave this to this last minute and give a shitty presentation
Original Research Paper: 15-20 page paper with original empirical data, 10ish minute presentation
  • 0/15-20 pages actually completed: I have released my survey out into the world and it is getting responses now. I have my literature review research compiled and notated, I just need to sit down and write it. I plan to tackle that very soon. I cannot really complete anything other than the lit review and the methods until my data collection is complete, I will be working on this paper exclusively after next Wednesday.
  • 0/? slides complete: I will be completing this over the weekend as my presentation is on Thursday.
Continuous Assignments:
  • Reflection Papers: I have one left for both the intro class and the social dynamics class.
  • Reading: all classes.
  • Quiz: Tech Class - one left. I need to do well on because I've faltered a bit on the last two.
  • Participation: ties into readings and having things to say. Counts for a significant portion of all classes.
I am having a hard time dealing with my life emotionally. I am working on seeing a professional about it, but we'll see if they think I need help by this Wednesday.
Sorry if I am absent from social life for the next couple weeks. I have a lot to focus on.

Friday, April 11, 2008

To Disappear Would Be Optimal

Tonight Jordan said some incredibly offensive things to Heather.
I don't know how to apologize to Heather for him (as I feel it is my responsibility, since he is my friend). He was terrible to her. Also, I am sure Heather is mad at me by association.

I understand that they don't get along etc etc. but it just really hurts to get caught in the crossfire. Especially because Jordan says and does things to intentionally hurt Heather which hurts me by extension. I don't do that to his friends... why does he have to be so malicious? He doesn't think about anyone but himself nor does he think about what consequences his actions will have on others/his relationships.

Joe and Jordan have made judgments about the people that I hang out with and grill me all the time for it. I really just wish there could be some respect. I am nothing but pleasant to their friends. I make it a point to be welcoming when they are in my home and all... yet they are giant jerks to my friends.

too bad I can't stand up for myself or my friends.
for that and so much more I am sorry.

now if I only I could just disappear.

Monday, April 7, 2008

feel like crying and...

I am having a rough day.

Hearing about another job offer that Jordan got makes me feel like I picked the wrong path in life... I am pretty sure after one year of service I will not be given a company car and shit like that. I don't really understand why engineers get all of these perks. I often think that the liberal arts skill set is undervalued and the science/math skill set is overvalued. I am going to be 22 with a master's degree soon and still not get the kind of offers that Jordan gets now with his incomplete degree. I am jealous and upset. Mostly I just feel like crying and not doing anything with my life.

Courtney has pretty much decided to live as a hermit in the Highlands of Scotland and study in some foreign country for graduate school. She is a brilliant girl and I am absolutely confident that she will get into whatever school she wants and that will take her away from me again... this time for years. It mucks up my post college plans. Mostly it makes me feel like crying and hiding from everyone.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

...In 5-ish parts

Some things that are on my mind:

1. doctor visits and the like - I got back the results from my girly parts exam and I have a clean bill of health as far as that goes. I went to have blood work done on Friday which sucked a big fat one. It hurt and they had to stick me a couple times to find my vein. I felt lightheaded after a symptom of my squeamishness, I guess. I am never going to be okay with having needles in my veins (so IV drug use is out, sorry kids). I will get those test results back in about two weeks and we'll see about anemia, thyroid disease and all sorts of other exciting things. I also was diagnosed with fibrocystic breasts which is apparently quite common. I do not care other than it is apparently harder to detect possible cancerous growths in your boobies with this type of breast.

2. school - It is getting to be crunch time. I really need to start working on everything but I am just so damn lazy. I intend on dedicating the majority of the next two days to research and paper writing etc. but we'll see if I can keep on track. I have 3 final projects that are due at the end of this month. One is a rather significant research paper and I am going to do an experimental study. The second is to propose an online community and basically do some proof of concept work and research of the space while incorporating the topics we've been discussing in class. I have a clear idea of what I want to do, but I am finding it difficult to sit down and start writing down all of my ideas. The last project is for my tech class. He has yet to post the assignment, but my instructor has explained that it will be a PowerPoint presentation. This may or may not prove that this class is a waste of time.

3. social life - I've been doing some fun social things of late. I've to hockey games and random lunches/dinners with my parents. I have spent some time hanging out with friends in real relaxed settings. I really enjoy spending my time this way. But I am sort of realizing that my comfort bubble is hindering me. Earlier today I found myself thinking that I know a lot of people that are in relationships and that I would like to have that for myself. Then I inspected my thought closer and realized that most of my closest friends are all single. I know maybe a half dozen couples and can only count 2 maybe 3 as close friends. I feel like I am starting to prematurely worry about if I'll ever find someone and other sorts of down the road stuff. I fear my lazy attitude about all of this is going to bite me in the ass. The "meh, there is someone out there for me and we'll meet eventually" doesn't work if you stay home all the time... but I also don't want to meet anyone at any of the places I have been to socially of late. I am starting to think that LA isn't the city for me.

3.5. social life again - I am considering talking to a professional about my inability to deal with what I have come to call my Jordan issues. I have this weird set of issues that stem from my relationship with him. I keep trying to be what he wants instead of myself and all sorts of other bullshit. I don't know how to stop this vicious circle and feel like me again. I limit myself. It is truly stifling my ability to mature.

4. The Internets - I just want to put it out there that I have recently fallen madly in love with microblogging and Twitter. I started it a few months back but now all I think about is having a cell phone with a QWERTY keyboard so that I can text in my tweets with more ease and frequency.

4.5. The Internets v.2.0. - Read this Mashable article and the root AP article about Virginia public schools teaching internet safety. I am sort of torn on this issue. I love the idea of teaching kids about the internet and including safety and privacy and all of that good stuff in a curriculum. It is imperative that we start talking about these issues with kids early (internet=future, children = future, think about it). It is easy for kids to put their creative work on the internet and they should know about protecting themselves, their identity, their creative work etc. However, it kind of bothers me that this programs seems to be parental responsibility offloaded onto a school system. Howard Rheingold says [I paraphrase] that we teach our kids to look both ways before they cross the street and tell them not to talk to strangers and we must teach them rules for Internet use. Parents need to get involved in their kids lives. This simple rule applies for drugs, alcohol, sex, tv, internet, playing nice with other kids in the sandbox... If parents would talk to their kids about all of this life would be better. I also recommend reading Media Effects Research: A Basic Overview by Glenn G Sparks. It is easily accessible and informative.

5. interior decorating - I have been thinking a lot about how I want to decorate my future apartment (mostly because I haven't bothered to ask Courtney and Kate what furniture they are bringing to the mix) and I am also thinking about getting my own place at some point in the near future (probably sometime in summer/fall 09). I love HGTV and constantly think about how I want to decorate spaces. I for sure am having a red kitchen (if you know anything about my collection of kitchen things, you know that it is all red). I think I've settled on a living room scheme for now. I am working on getting a bedroom together but I worry that when I upgrade my bed when I move into my own place I will want to change my whole scheme (not that there is anything wrong with that, but money will be tight...). I mostly love thinking about the possibilities and not doing anything. This is the story of my life. Thinking and not acting, ever.