True Friends Stab You In The Front

I need to move back to LA. I miss this too much.

courtney: i also may be a little drunk and untrustworthy.
me: arent we like that always?
courtney: yes.

No Breaks

All I have left to do for homework is to finish my Thursday Presentation and write that paper for the following week. I still need to practice my presentations for tomorrow and Wednesday, but I have lots of trouble doing such things. I will do it in front of the mirror a couple times tomorrow and hope for the best.

I was ticked off today because Joe asked me to clean up the mess that Jordan and I made making dinner on Sunday. And it wasn't that he asked me to clean (it is mine and Jordan's responsibility, we were neglecting it etc) but it was just that he only asked me. I know Jordan isn't around to ask, but he didn't say anything last night when we all were around or anything. It is as if Joe decided that because I was home and he thought I was doing nothing (untrue, I've been buried in homeworks) that I should do it. I am making serious mountain out of mole hills but Jordan gets too many free passes and I do a lot of fucking dishes. gah!

I have also decided that I am going to quit drinking for a while. The last couple times I've had anything to drink I come home and feel really, really depressed. It just isn't smart for me to consume a depressant when I am not in a good place mentally. Not for good, but just for the time being.

I am going to a concert tonight instead of continuing on my presentations. I am not worried. I have a lot of time to get things done over the next few days. I think spending the majority of the last 3+ days doing homework paid off.

To Disappear Would Be Optimal

Tonight Jordan said some incredibly offensive things to Heather.
I don't know how to apologize to Heather for him (as I feel it is my responsibility, since he is my friend). He was terrible to her. Also, I am sure Heather is mad at me by association.

I understand that they don't get along etc etc. but it just really hurts to get caught in the crossfire. Especially because Jordan says and does things to intentionally hurt Heather which hurts me by extension. I don't do that to his friends... why does he have to be so malicious? He doesn't think about anyone but himself nor does he think about what consequences his actions will have on others/his relationships.

Joe and Jordan have made judgments about the people that I hang out with and grill me all the time for it. I really just wish there could be some respect. I am nothing but pleasant to their friends. I make it a point to be welcoming when they are in my home and all... yet they are giant jerks to my friends.

too bad I can't stand up for myself or my friends.
for that and so much more I am sorry.

now if I only I could just disappear.