Thursday, May 29, 2008

Corporate Ladder?

Something funny.
Another funny thing.

Other news: I have been having a lot of anxiety about the future. I think I have figured out more of what I want to do with my life as far as work and the kind of atmosphere that I want. Though I worry that I made my decision in part based on what I want to wear to work - but also, I think that makes a lot of sense because what you wear says a lot about who you are.

What do you guys think about this opportunity and this one? These are just two programs that I researched because of talking to Jordan about his job search and I am sure there are others outside of the engineering field that would be in this same track. I think this is more what I am leaning toward as a career.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

What is Next?

Some things about my new job:

I sit in a lawn chair and work at a really fancy computer. This makes me lol. 
The hours are strange - 1-8pm: mostly because those are more active hours for people to be online and searching for things to do in the space and still within semi-normal hours for work. 
These hours sort of throw me off... I am more productive in the evenings but at the same time I want to be off work when the rest of everyone is. This is why I am considering not keeping on with this kind of work in the future. 
I am also more motivated to go to the gym after work, but the lyon center hours during the summer preclude that. I guess I will just get fat. But at the same time I end up not eating much more than a snack before I leave (and no breakfast [who eats breakfast anymore?]) and then a soda and snack at work and then a dessert-esque snack after I get home. This is so unhealthy - maybe it will make me thin... lol. 
Real work will start happening next week. I have an orientation session on Monday about the more specific things that I am going to be doing on a day to day basis to get traffic to the site. Hopefully I can achieve the goals they want. 

I don't know if I want to do this with my life in the future. When I am here I think it is okay, when I leave I don't really want to... everything is hard.

I want to do nothing and just go on road trips and blog about them. 

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Super Serial

I went in to the USC laboratory to have some blood drawn in order to check something about my thyroid. Today's blood drawing experience was one of the worst ever. The phlebotomist seriously stabbed the crap out of my arm. As I've documented, I have terrible veins and HATE having my blood drawn. My arm has a giant, swollen bruise at the draw site. I had the procedure done at about 10:15 am and it is now 11:45 pm and it is super painful to bend my arm. A seriously bad experience. I've been putting warm compresses on my arm but not much is helping. sorrow. My first time at the USC lab was far better and I just had regular soreness and a tiny bruise. This time: no such luck.

I am watching Trauma: Life in the ER. It certainly puts my minor discomfort and complaining in perspective. So far a man died, a woman has a traumatic brain injury and steel plates to hold her leg together, a baby was abused and has a skull fracture, a man needs to have his leg cut off because it was caught in a logging machine. Real life, son.

Today was also my first day of summer session school. This is the first summer class I've taken since my freshman year in high school. I am taking "Uses of Communication Research" which is a research methodologies class. I worry that this is a very broad survey class that may not get to depth that would be more than what I learned in my similar undergrad class. Hopefully I will learn more about SPSS and get some training on how to utilize new tools like Google Analytics better and more efficiently.

I am a call in juror this week. It is kind of lame to not really know when you may or may not have to go in. I have to call in for a third time tomorrow at noon to see if I have to report by 1pm. It puts me in a pinch because a) one hour to get to the courthouse in Westminster isn't a lot of time when you are in LA hoping you can go to work in Santa Monica and b) I would have to miss work and miss pay. This whole process is just kind of shitty because of the whole nature of jury selection. Not really anything of us can do, oh well.

I have been having a lot of anxiety about what I am going to do after school is up. Graduating in December doesn't seem that far away. I've been seriously considering leaving California. There are a couple leadership development programs that seem really cool and up my alley. I think I will go where the wind takes me. I am leaning away from working with start-ups and in the online world. The hours are often weird and there isn't much security and I don't feel like a grown up playing on the internet getting people to play on a website I work for. It just isn't what I imagined to be doing as an adult. I think online communities are more of a hobby/interest for me than a career. There are several things I am looking into and I am going to put that I will relocate and travel all the time. That is exactly what I want right now and in the near future.

Friday, May 23, 2008


And I’m calling all you angels

I had the great opportunity to sit in on an angel investor presentation meeting. The Tech Coast Angels were hearing presentations from 4 start-up companies that they might invest in. The presentations were generally pretty good and I like a few of the company ideas. I signed a non-disclosure agreement so I cannot really say much about what happened, but it was really interesting and an exciting opportunity.

They had delicious Organic-To-Go catered sack lunches. I had the Caesar salad with apple and a cookie. They also had a blue cheese and walnut salad, various sandwiches and wraps. All looked yummy! The TCA investment group funded them, now that I have don't a little googling.

The group is mostly made up of really friggen rich older white men. The women that were there seemed like a feisty bunch. I aspire to be one of them. They are a tough crowd, but we spoke with David Pollock (who spoke in one of my classes last Spring) and he explained that you get way more critical when you are risking your money and after you've heard lots of presentations.

It must be a famously wonderful life to listen to to start ups tell you about their genius, next-big-thing ideas and then lock them out and cut them to shreds and then invite them back in and say hrm... let's talk more and maybe I'll give you a million dollars or to piss off because your life dream is stupid.

I want that kind of power and clout.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Inappropriate Guilt

I spend a vast majority of my time wondering about why Jordan did what he did. I want to understand why I became irrelevant and such... Why he decided that I wasn't worth his time.
I also spend a lot of time wondering what I did wrong. I blame myself for pretty much everything that happened between me and Jordan.

Given that, I wonder if I were to medicate if I would stop dwelling on why and just accept it. Accept it and get to a point where I can just feel something other than sad.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Deep Rest

I wonder if being medicated will help me stop dwelling on the impossible question of why and start learning how to move on.

I'd really like to stop crying.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008


I think part of the problem is that I feel like I was never given a fair shot and will never get it.

I whine so much.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Tech Stars

So, as part of one of my classes this semester I was required to keep a blog of reflections on the technology/internet/web 2.0 industry. I am going to stop posting there and just keep on with my reflections on the industry I hope to be a part of here in my regular blog.

Oldies But Goodies: The Old Tech Blog Posts

I don't really have anything to comment on today, but Craig did send me this article which I think is quite interesting and true among my generation.
I also think it is interesting that Craig sent me an article about a social network because it is my "thing" which validates a lot of network theory that has to do with transactive memory. It basically says that we don't want the cognitive load of having to remember everything so we ask an expert friend to deal with it for us. (it is why you send certain articles to certain people because you think it is their "thing") We offload memory onto other people so that we can call on them when we need to recall that knowledge. I think network theory is pretty cool, minus the abstract math.