Monday, March 31, 2008

Maybe Your CDs Are In His Truck?

So I am currently in the library, waiting for my health center appointment. The guy next to me is listening to Blink 182 on his iPod way too loud.

There is a dude from my old apartment building here. He looks like a woolly mammoth.

Saturday before last I made an egregious error in judgment and did something I most definitely should not have. It is hard to deal with fucking up so huge. I may have ruined a very valuable friendship. I've never regretted anything more than that drunken action. I just hope my friends will forgive me. But even more so I hope that certain individuals will get their comeuppance. Though my error was terrible and I will never be sorry enough, I hope that the broader lesson is that I am not the first, the last nor the worst. He's done it before and he'll do it again. My actions are reprehensible and I will have to deal with that, but more than anything I hope she can see what a bastard he is to her for no reason other than it is a habit. Gah.

So yea... Cheaters never prosper, honesty is the best policy, etc etc.

In other news:

Maritza, Heather and I went to see Charlie Bartlet. Dan reviewed this film earlier and I agree that it is clever and humorous. I definitely recommend the film. It is a good way to spend some time.

Heather also introduced me to FatBurger today for lunch. She claims that it is a "taste revolution," which I found, after some googling, is a Miller Lite slogan. It definitely applies though. I really enjoyed my turkey burger and onion rings. Again, I most definitely recommend it to everyone. It might cost a lot of weight watchers point but it was well worth it flavor-wise.

Finally, after going through the Los Angeles Downtown News (Heather's copy, of course), I found an ad for Sumo Showdown in the City of Angels at the LA Sports Arena. I totally want to go! I am still trying to figure out what "contribution seats" are because otherwise I may be priced out of the event. As much as I want to go, I don't want to spend $35 for cheap seats to a sumo wrestling event. We'll see. Anyone else interested in going if I can find some tickets on the cheap (June 7 or 8)?

I have a doctor's appointment on Friday to have blood drawn for follow-up anemia testing and another battery of blood screening panels.

And Finally: There has been talk of maybe going to a couple baseball games here and there this season. I was even considering getting a package of tickets for the Angels (but I might could swing the Dodgers since we are in LA). Anyone want to go in with me on this? I am researching to see if there is a cheap seat package that would include lots of free giveaway nights.

I went through the websites for the Dodgers and Angels. The Dodgers site wasn't loading the mini-plan page so I couldn't compare offers (I will see if it works later tonight) but the Angels have a 9 game plan that has seats for as little as $9/game. For $81 (plus parking and stuff) we could go to 9 baseball games. I think that is a pretty good deal. It'd be nice if the Dodgers had a similar plan (public transit to a closer location). I'd prefer to go to Angels games (OC, holler!) but there are some definite advantages to going to Chavez Ravine. We'll have to see if they offer something good.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

One Less

So I had an appointment with my doctor today for a physical and pap smear. Things are going well, I suppose and will get the results of my vagina cell swabbing in 2 weeks. BTW vaginal exams suck.

I opted to get the first of three injections of Gardasil today. It is a vaccination against 4 strains of HPV (human papillomavirus) which are known to cause cervical cancer and genital warts. The benefits are clear and proven, but my main concern is that the drug hasn't been out that long and there isn't really a longitudinal study to determine if it affects fertility or causes any other long term side effects. So far, so good though.

I hope I won't end up with some unwanted condition years down the road because of this. Or have deformed babies.

I worry that it will turn out like Thalidomide, tough it is unlikely because this treatment is not given during pregnancy.

Other than that, I completely forgot to talk to my doctor about my low hemoglobin issues. Whoops!

I was given a clean bill of health, pending my test results. So yay.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Give Blood

Yesterday, I accomplished one of my life goals. I donated blood. In all honesty, I did it mostly because I have a fear of getting blood drawn and any needles that go into veins (I am totally fine with flu shot type injections, but IVs and getting blood draw... I lose it).

I was very nervous to go through the whole process.

First Sign: my hemoglobin was too low on the first check.
They check to make sure you are not anemic before you donate. I had to be checked a second time by the supervisor because I didn't qualify to donate the first time. This is why I bruise easy, guys.

Second Sign: I was told I have bad veins.
The supervisor lady who finally gave me the okay to donate looked at my arm and poked at it for a long time then asked if when I had blood draw at the doctor's office if they ever had trouble. This is basically where my fear comes from. It is always a struggle for the health professional to find my vein and then get the needle in it. It is like they poke then fish around in my arm to find it. It is the most painful process.

Third Sign (aka final blow): I am a little lightheaded.
So finally, I qualify to donate. They find a vein and stick me (p.s. with fishing and pain). All is going well then I start to feel lightheaded and the staff crowds around me putting cool towels on me and all sorts of craziness. I toughed it out and finished my donation. I had to lay in the donation chair forever and then when I tried to move to the snack table I almost passed out again. It was a difficult day.

So the moral of the story is I am proud of myself for trying to overcome my fear. I am also proud that I donated blood. I plan on doing it again, hopefully I will figure out a way to have better hemoglobin and higher blood pressure when I donate.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Show Me The Money?

Since the fraud on my ATM card happened it has becoming increasingly difficult to escape boredom.

I want to go out and do things. There are a plethora of activities that I'd like to engage in but I just don't have any money to do those things. I can barely afford to drive anywhere with gas prices and my lack of funds. It is crippling.

I have been trying to entertain myself at home with reading and the internets but that isn't all that much fun when my full time job is grad school which requires me to read and be on the internet a shit ton.

And above all else, I feel really guilty having fun when my finances are so out of order. I can't chip in and feel bad if people offer to pay for me. It is a terrible blow to my independence. (Though I love everyone to death for being so nice and concerned) I also feel like I am letting people down. I feel like a huge party pooper when I don't go and a leech when I do.

I am sure Heather will point to a plethora of free things to do in LA etc, but I just can't bring myself to go anywhere when I don't have any money as insurance. My mind is constantly a flurry with worries of "what if?"

Friday, March 7, 2008

Fraud, Papers, and Bitterness

I am on a break from my paper so I thought I'd share some things with you all.

First, in regard to my earlier post - I was on the phone with my bank all morning trying to figure out when I will get notification about my fraud claim being resolved on way or the other. It appears that it will be sometime in mid-April. Devastating. It really feels terrible to be financially crippled. I've been trying to take some positive life steps but it is just so damn hard to do anything with no money in your wallet.

Second, some details on my paper in case you are interested - I am writing about Barak Obama winning the online space. I am making parallels to branding, customer evangelism, and viral marketing. It has been an illuminating experience to research and write this.

Third, I am listening to a playlist that I titled "bitter" I made it sometime during the summer or fall of 2006 which was the time right after Jordan and I happened, which was probably the most depressed I've ever been. That shit sort of ruined me on a deep level. But, really what I am getting at is that the last two songs are titled "Can't Let Go" and "We're Just Friends" respectively and they might be the best song titles ever for the end of this playlist and the way that things have turned out.

well, my break is up and now I must go back to finishing this paper. I will go back to my bitter playlist and try to decide if I've gotten anywhere.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Killing Me Softly

Dear person that stole my ATM information,

You've ruined my life. Thanks.

Love, Erin

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Erin, Version Right Now

Of late I have been thinking that I want to be a new me. I have been thinking a lot, especially since things have not been going my way that I need to be more active and do the things I want to do before I can't for whatever reason.

I have a short list of goals which I have put on the side of this blog titled "Things To Do Before Whenever." Some more epic than others. I will keep you posted on how it goes.

On a completely unrelated note, I hung out with Jordan last night and I was thinking about how much I genuinely love his company. It is moments like those where my mind wanders into thoughts about if we would have worked out in a different context or now since our lives are different etc etc... And it all seems sort of lovely to think that I'd be happy with him in that way, but really I am not sure that we'd be any less destructive to each other if thing happened at a different time or now that we are supposedly more mature. I guess I will always be a little bit sad that he and I didn't work out the way I wanted and that we can't really ever work that way. I should learn not to dwell and love myself more instead of trying to figure out what is wrong with me to make Jordan not want to love me or whatever. I guess in the end this is related to my goals of above... stop hating self for not being what Jordan likes in a girl.

If it wasn't this... is would be something else.